I finally watched Capaldi’s final episode. Although I liked his quirky personality, I never quite warmed up to his series because of the storylines. Regardless, I still got a little teary-eyed in his final moments.

Doctor Who does such a good job of giving each actor a dignified farewell with a speech that fits his personality and appearances from each of his companions. It’s always a painful farewell.

In the past, I thought this is a bit odd, considering the character of the Doctor is technically just changing in appearance. But as this was a year of many farewells and changes for me, I finally understood why the Doctor experiences such anguish as he changes form.

We often think of change as something that happens outside of ourselves: new job, new school, new friends, new house. But with every major life change, we also say goodbye to who we were during that stage of our life. The phase with Converse shoes ends to welcome the bow tie, which eventually gives way to sunglasses and a guitar.*

Although it’s exciting to think of the new things we will experience in every new stage of our lives, I don’t know if we quite give the time and reflection it takes to say goodbye to who we were. Because that person, with their experiences and relationships, was a pretty amazing person, too. The exciting new things to come shouldn’t make us forget or devalue who we were during each of our early stages.

In Capaldi’s final episode, the Doctor held on. He didn’t want to regenerate. He didn’t want to let go. And when he finally did, he gave himself a most glorious speech: a reminder of everything he learned, everything he wanted his next self to hold dear.

And with that speech, he was finally able to let go and make the change.

When I made all my big changes this summer, I took a lot of time to say goodbye to my colleagues, my students, my school, my house–everything and everyone except myself. I was really proud of the person I had become in that stage of my life. I deserved a goodbye.

In August, I had a rocky start to my new stage. Now I think it was because I hadn’t fully let go. I hadn’t given myself a worthy goodbye. I didn’t give the person I was give her final farewell speech, give her advice to me, and say goodbye on her own terms.

I’m going to take a page from the Doctor’s book and give time to value who I was in my last stage of life. I’m going to let that person give her farewell and her advice for me as I embrace my new role. And with that, I hope to be able to move forward confidently into the new person that I will become. 

Do you think you give yourself enough time to reflect on yourself before you move on to new stages in life? Comment below with lessons you’ve learned in your early stages that you still hold on to!

 

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*Ten, Eleven, and Twelve’s iconic accessories, respectively.

Both handlettering pieces in this entry are original pieces by me! They were done digitally using the Procreate app. See more of my work on Instagram @nerdladydraws.